The cookie would reward the tantrum behavior. As well, excessive attention in the form of repeated phrases such as "Jimmy, stop that" or "Please, Jimmy, don't -- come look at the TV" also rewards the behavior and will encourage him to continue.
Clearly, calmly, and concisely tell the child that a tantrum is not acceptable, and then tell him what behavior is acceptable. For example, "Jimmy, screaming and hitting the floor are not OK.
Please calm down and eat your macaroni," would be all that a parent would need to say. Then ignore Jimmy's tantrum behaviors, even if they get louder or more intense, as long as Jimmy isn't hurting himself or others in the process. With the parent or caregiver remaining calm and continuing as if Jimmy's behavior isn't bothering anyone, Jimmy will tire of putting all that energy into something that isn't going to get him what he wants.
When Jimmy does come to the table calmly and eats his macaroni, praise and encourage him, "Jimmy, that was a good job calming down. Thanks for eating your macaroni.
By praising the listening and compliant behaviors, the parent is rewarding Jimmy, and he will learn to earn rewards in positive ways. Tantrums often occur in public, such as at the grocery store. Caregivers feel embarrassed and want to end the noise and commotion as quickly as possible.
Once again, giving in or giving excess attention will only encourage a sequel to that tantrum in the future. If you haven't already, start childproofing your house—put anything poisonous out of reach, install gates, and cover light sockets. But also provide plenty of safe places for your more mobile baby to explore. If you're constantly saying no, you're sending a message that the world is off-limits. Leave a latch-free cabinet filled with wooden spoons and plastic bowls, and put board books and puzzles on low toy shelves.
If baby does get into trouble, distract and redirect. Say, "I know you want to pull on that lamp cord, but that will hurt if it falls. Let's play with your trains instead. Separation anxiety often crops up at this time as well, which makes for a clingy baby. Encourage her to occupy herself. If she starts to scream when you disappear to do laundry, don't immediately run back, which signals to her that there really is something to be upset about. Instead, reassure her with your voice.
Say to her, "Mama's in the laundry room; it's okay. If you thought your infant had a good set of lungs, just wait till he's a toddler.
It may be cute when he shrieks at home, but it's not appropriate in church or at a crowded restaurant. To keep your sanity intact, remember that your child isn't trying to ruin your dinner; he's only testing his vocal cords. Resist the urge to yell—or giggle, because sometimes it is funny when he screams in church.
That will only egg him on. Instead, tell him in simple terms what you expect: "We talk in a quiet voice when we're in a restaurant. If he can't stop shrieking, take your order to go. To put a stop to the whining of her month-old son, Harrison, Hillary Landau, of Briarcliff Manor, New York, made a game of it: "I'd say 'What do you get when you whine? Zippo the hippo! Lend a hand. Or a mouth. If she's throwing a tantrum because she can't reach her Elmo blanket, put words to her feelings: "You must feel frustrated because you can't reach your Elmo blankie.
Let's see if we can get it for you. Hitting and biting can also crop up now—again, as a result of frustration. If your child bites someone, remove her from the situation immediately, saying, "No biting; that hurts. Does she hit when she's frustrated? When your child starts acting rebellious, distraction is key. My 2-year-old always wanted to buckle his own seat belt -- an exercise in frustration for me. My brilliant solution: singing!
If distraction fails, capitalize on your toddler's love of pretend. A study published in Child Development highlighted just how dangerous regularly yelling at your kids can be. They found that harsh verbal discipline, such as yelling, swearing, and using insults, was as harmful as hitting or spanking toddlers. Likewise, 50 years worth of research suggests spanking and harsh punishment can lead to mental health problems, cognitive difficulties, aggression, and antisocial tendencies later in life.
And yet one in six parents are still doing it. The point of discipline, Pearlman says, is behavioral training — creating consequences to prevent actions from happening repeatedly. Instead, Pearlman recommends redirection. If that infuriates your little darling it will regale them with silly voices. So redirection is key. Besides, ignoring is far more relaxing than yelling or policing. In any case, no one learns and everyone has a bad time.
Think of it as saving your strength for bigger battles.
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